A Big Decision

About a month ago, my husband and I decided we were going to begin the process of adoption over again.  We have absolutely-positively-certainly-undeniably not given up on our little dude.  His space in the family will always be there and the second Russia opens, we are on a plane.  Joshua is, and always will be a member of our family.  So why would we start a new adoption?  Anyone who has ever adopted will tell you, satan steps it up BIG TIME and tortures the heck out of you the minute you decide to adopt.  Everything possible will break in your house and car.  You will, out of nowhere have a hail storm that destroys your roof.  Your septic will back up and flood the basement.  Your car will start making horrible clicking sounds and definitely need new tires.  These are all things that happened to us this last year.  Our first thought was "if we start the process over, what could possibly break this year".  Maybe our roof will cave in or our hay field will start on fire.  Let's just pray that God will get us through it.  So with that said....

Please welcome our little princess.  She is seven and all sass!  This little girl is going to fit right in.....

Meet the Family

My husband and I have been married for almost 16 years.  We were both in high school and a mutual friend set us up on a blind date.  It was so romantic....a spring dance.  Actually, I'm lying.  It wasn't romantic.  We stopped by the dance, which was taking place in our high school cafeteria.  If I remember right, there weren't even decorations.  But he was absolutely adorable so who cared!  Our second date was my prom, and third date was his prom.  Maybe I should write a book about how to get a guy to fall in love with you in three dates.  It's easy!!  Go to a whole lot of dances!  I'll admit, he was pretty smitten with me from the start.  I'm not sure why, being that I tooted on him during our first date.  Maybe that should be added to the dating book....toot immediately because apparently high school boys love that.  Or maybe we were both just desperate.... I had a white girl afro and he had little chicken legs.  The awkwardness of those first dates was fantastic.  It took my man three months to kiss me, but when he did...fireworks.  Three years later, we were married and have lived happily ever after.

When it comes to men, my husband is pretty fantastic.  He's a dentist, an Air Force officer, a square dancer, hiker, camper, and awesome dad.  He takes our kids fishing and camping at every opportunity.  I think he's hoping that at least one of his kids will be a forest ranger when they grow up.  That's what he wants to do when he retires.....

My goal in life is to have at least one athlete in the family.  My ideal evening is going to my child's sporting event, eating a pretzel, and cheering my kids on.  I'm that scary mom that doesn't shut up when my kid is playing soccer or basketball.  I'm the mom that watches her daughter during Special Olympics with a tear in her eye due to pure pride.  But I'm also the mom that can't help my kids with home work because I get too agitated.  Dad's gotta do that....and he's good too.  I wish I had his patience.  It's a beautiful thing.  Notice there's no picture of me....that's because I haven't taken a great picture since 1995.  And it's my blog so I don't have to show you a picture if I don't want to.

We have four amazing children.  And when I say amazing, I mean AMAZING.  Sophia is my oldest and her goal in life is....hmmmm....well, she doesn't really have any at this time (she's only 10).  She loves reading with a passion.  She also loves to travel.  I have her pegged to join the Peace Corp one day.  She's my escort for charitable events because her heart is huge.  That, and my husband prefers to stay at home and
NOT go to events that involve dressing up.  Sophia doesn't mind.  She loves going places and seeing new things.  I've tried pushing her into sports...... basketball, softball, and soccer just to name a few.  You can often times catch me praying for God to make Sophia an athlete...but I'm pretty sure he's got other plans for her.  She is a diva in every way.  I love to watch her run around the bases during softball....it's much like watching Mariah Carey run in heels.  But heck, she's beautiful so I will continue to just cheer her on. 

Molly is my sweet angel.  We found out she was born with an extra chromosome right after birth.  I didn't care.  I knew she could make me proud and be involved with Special Olympics.  For someone with very bad gross motor development, the girl can play sports.  She's my ballet, soccer, swimming, basketball, and softball loving girl.  I'm so proud.  She's also daddy's girl because she loves to watch Dr Who episodes with him.  That's all it takes to win his heart....

Lily is my rough tom-boy.  She has to be first in every realm of her life.  Everything is a competition for Lily and she's brilliant too.  She sees every detail in a book and will do her homework until it's perfect.  If a friend at school does the monkey bars, she will keep practicing the monkey bars until she can do them backwards and with a flip.  Raising Lily was rough though.  She wanted her way at all times and would scream without ceasing for hours.  I'll be honest...I went back to work for a few years.  Yes, it was THAT rough.  Her first day of kindergarten was the best day of my life, and surprisingly, she didn't throw fits at school.  She needed school and she needed to be around friends.  It is still amazing to watch her blossom into a beautiful little girl.  And I'm a stay-at-home mom again.  Life is good.

Brady was my surprise.  I had planned on adopting our 4th child, but my little man came along.  After three girls, I didn't even know what to do with a boy.  But turns out, I didn't have to do anything.  He just magically became all boy.  Trucks, tractors, and animals came naturally.  Except he did occasionally put on his sisters dresses.... but that's normal, right?  He's stubborn like an ox.....just like his daddy.  For several YEARS, he wore his underpants, shirts, and jeans backwards because he was sure that's how they were supposed to be.  Try going to the grocery store like that.  Brady is amazing though and I love watching him and his dad work outside together.  He is truly a blessing.

All of my children have put so much magic into my life.  How do people function without the dinner time belches, continuous poop in the toilet, and messy house?  I love it!!  I love being a mom to these great little human beings.  Life is not just good.  It's wonderful.

About our farm

I grew up on a hobby farm.  My dad worked full time and then farmed on the side.  We were in 4-H and took projects each year and those were the animals that happened to be in our barn.  Looking back, I'm pretty sure I stunk at 4-H projects.  In fact, I'm certain of it.  My bunny rabbit died right before the fair.  The big bunny chewed a whole in the wire of the cage and decided to use my little bunny as a pillow.  If my memory is correct, he looked something like this.  Look at those angry eyes.......
                                              

One year I took a lamb.  Of course I waited until right before the fair to start leading it.  So in other words, he lead me.  I have vivid memories of leading it into the arena at the fair so it could be sold.  Interesting how I cried like a baby in front of all the fair-goers.  My poor lamb, which I could have cared less about 5 minutes earlier, was going to get slaughtered.
                                              

Odd that I have a sudden craving for lamb chops.  Mmmmm........
                                           

And finally, I remember my mom telling me to stay in the house for a while.  Of course that means sneak out and see what's going on.  There, next to the barn was our cow....skinned and hanging on a rack.
                                                

I'd like to say, poor cow....but let's be honest, I don't pity the cow.  I love me some beef.  I love grilling up some rib-eyes.  I'd like to have a big freezer full of beef right now.  In fact, here's a great website that will help you cook up some of that meat.  http://thepioneerwoman.com/

 I learned quickly that you don't get attached to farm animals.  Well, except the sweet baby chicks that ended up having their heads cut off in my garage....but I won't post a picture of that.  Looking back, I think....dang!!!  Those were some bad memories!  But really, they were great memories.  I loved living on a little farm.  I really loved going to the fair and hanging out with friends.  Ahhh....the smells and the lights.  The thought of seeing some cute boys.  And most importantly, the fair food!!!!
                        

And I really really loved having the space to run around and shoot my bb gun.  My husband had his share of memories too, but I think they involved urinating on frogs.
                                         

He claims the frogs deserved it because they peed on him first.  But he was also caught hiding up in a tree and urinating on his sister when she walked below him.  We have a recurring theme here...

My husband and I have always wanted to give our children the same great childhood that we experienced.  So two years ago, we moved out of town and onto a farm.  Right away, we allowed some horses to use the land to graze.  They're still alive....probably because the owners take care of them instead of me.

In the spring, we get to see the mama's have their babies.

 The horsey-owners even let our kids play with the pony.  They got pretty attached....until the pony dropped over dead of old age.... Pistols death was a tough one because he was our friend.  The kids surprised me though and got over it pretty quickly.  Not me.  I still miss the old boy.

That fall, we decided to give bunny rabbits a try.  Darn things kept getting out of their cage.  Sophia and her dad made a game out of catching them though so it was kind of fun.  Kind of.  Eventually we gave up and let them run free.  Now, they hang out in my garden and steal my food.

Next, we found out our barn cat was pregnant, so we were going to have baby kitties!!!  That was the most fun!  The kids loved on those kitties like they were....well....baby kitties.  Unfortunately, we had an incident that I won't speak about.  It involved the neighbor dog and violence.  That was a tragic one.  We had a lovely funeral for two of them.
                                 

Do you see a recurring theme here???  I try.  Is it just me???  Or is it just farm life.  Either way, my kids are learning a lot about animals and the circle of life.  And my kids are loving it.  My son loves going for walks with the dog and exploring.  Look at that dirty little face.  I want to smooch him!!

My girls love helping in the garden and chasing after the one remaining baby kitty.  They love playing on their trampoline and doing flips on the swing set.

They love helping their daddy irrigate the hay field.  Oh wait...they don't help irrigate.  They run through the water and cause chaos.  But that's ok.  That's what kids do.
                 

Finally a picture of Sophia.....nice pj's and flapper girl head-band.  You are looking good.....

Now, you all are just making us look crazy.....

Here we go....that's nice.

Next spring, we're going to give chickens a try.  We like to ease into the farm life here.  One of my sweet friends mentioned that we don't live on a farm....we live on a pet cemetery.  I think she's right.  But, we are learning a lot and having fun. 

Last Year

I will title this post as "Last Year".  A lot happened last year, but it all revolved around one thing....trying to adopt a little boy from Russia.  I think we all know how this is going to end before it even starts.  Last January, we started the process of adopting sweet Joshua.

My dude.  I fell in love instantly.  How can you not fall in love with his sweet face?  His eyes threw daggers into my soul.  We all know that instant "awwww" moment in the movie Shrek, when Puss in Boots gives the "look"........
                                           
It's the same look.  So it was decided....we were heading to Russia.  We tried to live a normal life, but let's admit, you can't live a normal life when you're trying to trudge through an international adoption.  But with 4 little kids at home, we had plenty of great distractions.  We visited Joshua for the first time in September 2012.  He was everything we imagined.  At first, he was excited to have a playmate.  But he gave me this look alot....

 It was the "Why are you hanging with me" look.  And the "What's up with you smooching on me" face.  I couldn't help it.  I had waited 9 months to smooch those cheeks.  Yes, he smelled like boiled cabbage, but I loved on that boy like it was going out of style.  Soon enough, he warmed up to us and we got plenty of great laughs out of him.

We already had our dossier complete, except now Russia decided they wanted a heck of a lot more adoption training.  And the kicker was that it was supposed to include face to face training.  Well now, where in the world do you get face to face Russian training in Montana??  The only training you're getting in Montana has to do with either ranching or ......ranching.  Maybe a training course on how to drive on gravel roads during a snowstorm.  Anywho.... we ended up flying all the way to Florida in order to get this training done quickly.  I won't complain about going to Florida.... I see why retired folk go there in the winter.  It was pretty nice.  We finished our training and had our court date set for January 15th....and then the ban hit.  No more American adoptions.  Just like that.  My dude was stuck.  No one could tell us exactly what was going on so we went for our court date anyways.  We saw our dude again and loved on him even though we knew there was a big chance they wouldn't let us bring him home.

It's not easy to hold the boy you were planning on adopting, knowing you may never see him again.  Some people may not understand this, but when you make that decision to adopt, your heart begins to ache for them like they are your biological child.  Leaving him in Russia is like leaving my biological child in Russia.  The courts denied our adoption based on the ban, so of course we are appealing.  We came home and grieved.  I've gone through all the typical emotions of denial, anger, grief and acceptance.  Heck, I've even dropped my share of "f" bombs with fantasies of punching a few Russians in the throat.  But in the end, we are still fighting and praying that one day our boy will come home.  He's a part of our family, whether he's here or not.  And that smell of boiled cabbage I mentioned earlier......I miss it.  I'd give anything to smell that again.