A Painful Day

Today is my dude's 4th birthday.  Most people would celebrate.  I am not.  In fact, I'm having a hard time getting through this whole week leading up to his birthday.  There will be no candles or cake.  He will get no gifts.  No singing or clapping either.  But what is really making my heart ache, is that on his 4th birthday, my dude will be transferred out of his baby home and into a mental institute.  I don't know where either.  It could be a good one or it could be a bad one.  I've seen pictures and stories of both.  I will lose track of him now.  I've always had a fear of losing my kids in the wilderness when we go camping.  That's how I feel now.  It's pure panic.  There's so many dangers looming and I can't protect him.  Will he be safe?  Or will he be like most children with special needs that die within a few years due to lack of care?  He's lost.  I can't get to my dude with his sweet smile and haunting eyes.  It's killing me.

Please pray for my little man.